characters

This blog will explore different relationship styles using the concepts of attachment theory, and how these concepts can be applied to create more in-depth, realistic characters in fiction writing.

The field of attachment theory says that each of us behaves in one of three ways in relationships: securely attached, anxiously attached, or avoidantly attached.

Attachment theory was pioneered in the 1950s by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who developed attachment theory by studying the emotional bonds between children and their caregivers. He was influenced by his work with emotionally disturbed children, psychoanalysis, and evolutionary theory, proposing that attachment behaviours (such as crying and clinging) are biologically programmed into infants to ensure their survival.

Mary Ainsworth, a development psychologist, significantly extended his work through her research in identifying different attachment styles.

This blog references the insights of Rachel Heller and Amir Levin’s book “Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep love”.

In “Attached”, Heller and Levine explore the three primary attachment styles. Let’s start with the secure attachment style.

The secure attachment style

Characters with a secure attachment style are okay with intimacy, trust their partners, and generally have a balanced approach in their relationships. They’re usually emotionally warm and supportive, often serving as great emotional anchors.

A securely attached character can serve as a stabilising force in a story. They may be the sensible one, a voice of reason in a chaotic situation, a sympathetic partner, or a mentor who helps with personal growth.

Their calm, confident demeanour can highlight the struggles of a more anxious character, creating compelling interpersonal dynamics.

Writing tip: use securely attached characters to contrast with the more neurotic ones.

The anxious attachment style

Anxiously attached characters crave intimacy but are often haunted by fears of being abandoned. They can be super sensitive to their partner’s actions and may need constant validation and reassurance. This attachment style may lead to a roller-coaster relationship experience of emotional highs and lows.

Anxious characters can add drama and intensity to relationships. They may be the ones constantly questioning their partner’s loyalty and faithfulness to them or pushing for more closeness, driving them to the point of suffocation.

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.

Eric Fromm

The internal conflicts they have can serve as a useful tool in driving the plot or subplot, as they struggle to find a balance between connection and the fear of losing that connection.

Use this attachment style to create tension – whether through misunderstandings, overreactions, or cycles of clinginess followed by regret.

Writing tip: to write an anxious character effectively, explore their back story to explain where their fears come from.

The avoidant attachment style

Characters with this style value their independence and often avoid or minimise emotional closeness. They can appear distant, detached, or overly self-reliant, seeking to avoid commitment or intimacy.

Avoidant characters bring complexity to a story by their attempts to avoid emotional connections. They might be the lone wolf, the mysterious type, or the one who seems aloof but secretly yearns for connection.

They may struggle between their need for independence and their desire for intimacy, which can lead to both internal and external conflicts.

Their reluctance to open up can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and missed opportunities for connection.

Explore their back story to reveal where their fear of intimacy originates from.

Writing tip: crank up the tension in your narrative by pairing an avoidantly attached person with an anxiously attached one.

Character development

Use the different relationship styles when developing your characters. How does their past shape their current approach to relationships? How does this influence their actions and decisions throughout the story?

Story conflict

Use the styles to ramp up your narrative’s conflict. An anxious character may misinterpret a secure character’s calmness as a lack of interest, for example.

Or an avoidant character might trigger an anxious character’s fear of abandonment.

Character arcs

Use attachment theory to develop your character arcs. For example, an avoidant character learns to embrace intimacy by the end of the story, or an anxious character learns to be more secure in themselves.

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

Sigmund Freud

Initially it was assumed that attachment styles were a result of a person’s upbringing. For example, if your parents were emotionally available and caring, you should have a secure attachment style.

But the authors of “Attached” assert that other factors can come into play, like our life experiences, so keep this in mind when working on your character’s background.

If you enjoy psychology, you can check out my other articles if desired, Writing characters using personality theory and Writing characters using the Big Five model.

Writing prompt: write a passage where a couple are having an argument. Clearly highlight their different relationship styles in the conversation: one is secure, the other anxious.

P.S. NOTES FROM THE DESK: recently finished reading ‘The Contender: The Story of Marlon Brando’ by William J Mann. I really enjoyed it! As the name suggests, it’s a biography of the famous actor Marlon Brando and has a whopping print length of 736 pages! But I never got bored, which I think is the mark of a very good writer. It’s a very comprehensive glimpse into Brando’s life, in all it’s craziness, including shocking promiscuity, bratty on-set behaviour, an up and down acting career, and a very messy personal life. Through it all, he still manages to remain a likeable and interesting person, with intelligent things to say. Check it out.

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